By: Samantha Dewitt. Medically Reviewed By: Denise Doster. People come into and out of our lives all of the time. Have you ever wondered why it's so much harder to talk to an ex after a breakup than any other relationship that you've decided to end? You keep telling yourself there's a reason it's over and that you're happy with your decision. Yet, emotions flood your mind at the very thought of contacting your ex.
If you know your ex is abusive and has said questionable things, putting yourself in that position isn't good for you, and you shouldn't spend that energy there. Basically, you want to be very well prepared for whatever comes out of their mouth. If the relationship was really rocky, and neither of you wants to see one another again, then it's unlikely that they will.
When to cut ties with an ex
When talking to them, the feelings will surface. You should make sure that you don't do this to get them to talk to you or want you back. My sessions with Jillian made a huge difference as I navigated this time in my life. How do you feel about this? Quite often, breakups can happen due to emotional explosions. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining.
Well, it's easier than you might think. Talk about your new activities and your personal reconstruction.
To ignore that or deny that it has ANY affect at all is superficial. Aside from having children in common and needing to communicate about their care, there are several reasons an ex may try to keep in touch with you. Maybe talk about your goals and aspirations. Is there hope?
Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. Sometimes, exes can come back years later and reunite with you. Some people immediately have feelings of loneliness and miss their ex. For now, only bring up the things that you know you two will agree on! It'll be awkward and won't work otherwise. I ed up for Better Help because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems talking to my ex myself. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional.
How to talk to an ex again? expert ways to speak about the breakup
However, there are still some reasons why you may want to avoid talking to them. When you break up with your ificant other, you should avoid talking to them for a while until the tensions die down. You can talk about a special memory you two shared, even if this is a reference to your relationship. You have a limited of free articles. For others, it may take a good month for the breakup to settle before they realize that they should get back together.
Do not contact them during the first weeks, since they're in that "honeymoon" stage where they believe they did the right thing by breaking up. If you were friends beforehand and maybe a relationship didn't work out, it can be okay.
Other times, exes may bury the hatchet and while you may not have a romantic relationship, you remain friends. Here are a few questions you might ask yourself before thinking about reconciling:. Other times, it's because they realize they can still be friends even as exes. If you're asking yourself whether or not you should reach out to an ex, the safest answer is no; after all, a "no" can readily morph into a "yes," while an attempt to reach out cannot be rescinded once it is offered.
Welcome to betterhelp!
We actually put a lot of emphasis on the psychological aspect of the process; so let me remind you of the importance of analysis. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Waywhich delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud.
Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about. They may be able to point out issues in your relationship that were ificant and even hazardous issues that you may have been willing to overlook when you were trying to make it work. Whatever the case, if you still want to talk to your ex after a breakup ,don't freak out: It's totally normal. Adding a little humor to the conversation can take off some of the edginess and awkwardness.
That being said I have yet to remain friends with an ex nor have I had an ex that I would want to remain friends with. The truth is, the relationship changed the minute that it ended, and that means that you need to change how you talk to your ex. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is also just as hard as admitting that you were wrong and apologizing. That goes for social media as well as in-person interactions. This can make him feel regret, unless he has moved on. Listen to the advice of people who love you and want the best for you.
Oftentimes, if you broke talking to my ex for the right reasons, keeping in touch will only aggravate the emotional wound.
Slowly, she became confident in his ability to change and to keep that change. You can absolutely have a healthy relationship with your ex, in whatever capacity you need.
Is it ok to talk to your ex?
It also isn't advisable to talk to your ex after a breakup right away. It is not uncommon for a guy to miss you after a breakup, even if the breakup was bad. I do believe in being friendly, or at least polite especially when you have mutual friends.
Delete him from your Facebook friends too.
But learning how to talk to them as an ex, and not as a partner is a crucial part of moving on with your life. Work on yourself first and foremost. In these instances, you'll be forced to talk with them, at least on occasion. Think about ways to make some small talk before you start the call.
There is no magic. Since wanting to talk to your ex is totally normal, Fehr suggests some alternatives to help you move on. You deserve that. She offered constructive advice for interacting with my ex-husband and maintaining boundaries. When the question of speaking to your ex arises, there are many factors to consider, not the least of which is the state in which your breakup occurred. After all, would you like to dwell on that right away? Suddenly you have much more time in your life.
When to stay friends with an ex
Some couples will reach out, only to reconcile and end up back in the same poorly-functioning relationship; some will reconcile and stay together forever, and others may reach out only to experience the pain and heartache of being rejected or ignored entirely. Will you have an extended conversation?
You'll never regret taking the high road and acting composed and adult-like. Although reaching out to an ex is certainly tempting, there can be many unpleasant repercussions. I could not recommend her more highly. Some do, especially if you dumped them, or the breakup was due to various circumstances.
More from thought catalog
Some of the most common things that he may be feeling or thinking talking to my ex no contact are:. Depending on how many issues need to be worked through, the amount of time it takes before reconciliation occurs may vary. In talking to them with the sole hope of rekindling what once was is regressing; you're supposed to be moving forward.
Even if you had spent years together, there is one question that is still going to bug you under the current circumstances: what to talk about with your ex. At the most, A fight? We should get together with our families and catch up sometime. However, you are now at a crossro in your thinking. But you need to know where to find them, right? Have you ever wondered why it's so much harder to talk to an ex after a breakup than any other relationship that you've decided to end?
Don't miss a thing with the elite daily newsletter.
Guess what? Each relationship, no matter how happy or meant to be, comes with a unique set of challenges, setbacks, and possibly periods of breaking up or taking breaks. For those that can maintain the friendship after the split—kudos. If you do decide to talk, take your time, and maybe keep the conversations short but sweet.